"Me" time...

We all need it - then why do I feel so guilty for taking it?

This past week has been draining! Ben started swim team practice and everyday it was a struggle to get him up and going. One day he had a breakdown when we got there because he was upset about the cheapy, uncomfortable goggles I had got him. My alter-ego, who I like to call "Mean, screaming lady" reared her ugly head and he went to practice (I did buy him new goggles later that day). Ben had another mini-breakdown the next day because the only swim suit he could find to put on was a little tight. The kid has 3 swim suits! He should've been able to find one that fits. Again, I had to use my not-so nice voice. Hey, I know you all are thinking I have no patience - but really I do! Sometimes it's the only way to get results.

Then there was Max's surgery...he came through with flying colors so I thought that it was going to be fine (this is MAX we're talking about). I didn't take into account the medicine. He flatly refuses to take the pain medicine. I have to bribe him to take the antibiotic and you can forget about the ear drops. I feel so bad! I have to hold him down to put them in and everytime he screams, "Why would you hurt your kid?" I've tried explaining that I am doing it to make it better, but he only knows that he hates it and the person he loves the most is doing it to him. He's also developed a low-grade fever over the last few days, which means he's been even needier and clingier than ever (just when I thought is wasn't possible).

Yesterday, I reached my breaking point. Ian went to help Darrel install tile in his new house so it was just the boys and I. Evan was cranky but wouldn't take a nap. Max wanted to play ball and kept throwing an inflated ball at my face while I was trying to nurse Evan to sleep. Ben and Alexander were horsing around which turned into fighting which caused yelling which in turn kept the baby from falling asleep. I must have said, "Go sit on your bed" about a thousand times before mean, yelling lady came out. Alexander had a birthday party to go to and I seriously considered grounding him from it because he wasn't listening to me but I needed him to go to the party. He was the one pushing Ben's buttons which was causing Ben to whine and scream.

Tiffany called and wanted to go out. I knew Ian wouldn't be thrilled - but I needed to be away from children for a while. We went and saw "Ocean's 13" and ate at California Pizza Kitchen. The movie was great (HELLO George Clooney & Brad Pitt!). Afterwards I'm trying to call Ian because I want to see how everyone was doing and he wouldn't answer. I finally get a hold of him and he's a little short with me on the phone. All the way through dinner I'm feeling guilty about leaving Ian with the kids. Why? He's their dad, afterall. He's perfectly capable...and it's not like I go out by myself all the time. It's been months!!! I just want to know why I can't enjoy the me time when I get it! Any thoughts?

P.S. Jenifer - did you get your "me" time?