Loved

Last weekend we spent time at the Lodge with my parents and sister and her family.  It was divine.  When we were leaving Monday I felt an overwhelming sadness and depression settle over me.  I hate being so far away from my mom and dad.  Later that day my mom sent me the following text:

"I know you are busy but I just had to share with you how I really felt when you left because I have never felt like that before.  This incredible feeling of loneliness came over me and I began to cry.  I just couldn't help myself because I knew how much I was going to miss you.  I love you!"

I am so grateful for the bond I have with my parents.  The older I get the more I realize how lucky I am.  I long to have that same bond with my children.  Last weekend I was able to open up and confide to my mom about some things and I am so grateful for her love, support and endless wisdom.  She never judges me.  She just pushes me forward and inspires me to do my best.

A wise man once advised me to tell my children I love them all of the time.  To hug them and let them know how much they mean to me.  It was hard at first, but the more I do it the easier it becomes. 

As I think back on the feeling I had as I left the Lodge I can't help but think of my Heavenly Father and how he must have felt when we left his presence to go to earth.  His heart must have ached for us as he thought of the trials and tribulations we would have to go through.  But he sent his spirit to comfort us when we need it and to help us feel his overwhelming love for us.

It's hard for me to hold onto that thought and feeling.  It's hard not get down and be depressed by things I cannot change.  It's hard to have faith in the bigger picture and not to get caught up in the daily drama.  As I move forward and try to do my best I'm so thankful for parents who love me and most of all for a Heavenly Father who is always there for me.

It's ok

Today my sister and I went to visit our grandmother.  She had a birthday this past week and we wanted to see her, give her hugs and just hang for a while.  As we talked about cooking my grandmother started reminiscing when she was a young mother with eight (8!) kids, how she sewed and cooked everything.  She was up at 5 am and went to bed at 12 am.  As a child I looked forward to my birthday and Christmas gifts from my grandma. Usually I received homemade ballgowns for my barbies and one year I received a dress for me and an exact replica of my dress for my barbie.  A girl's dream come true.

I can sew a button but I can't sew.  I don't like to cook, I'd much rather bake.  Sometimes I get up at 5 but am usually conked out by 10 (to Ian's dismay).  I struggle with depression, with anxiety and with just feeling like I'm enough.  Because frankly, sometimes I'm not.  And I've learned that that's ok.

It's ok if I feed my kids have cold cereal for dinner.  It's ok if I lose my temper (although I am working on my patience) and it's ok if I'm not every thing to everyone.

These past few years I feel like I am discovering me.  I am learning to say what I mean.  Not to make commitments I can't keep.  I'm learning that sometimes it's ok to take a break.  

It's ok.

Exercised

 The weather was so lovely in March.  I did a few runs and hikes with friends.  Dr V talked me into doing a 5k with her on St. Patricks Day.  I almost beat her neighbor but he flew past me at the last minute.  Sheez.  Then Christy and I hiked Echo Canyon.  It's my favorite hike.  Trina introduced me to it back in January and I love it!

 I love hanging with Christy because she is so athletic and always up for anything!

 About a week later I made Adrienne do the hike with me.  She was worried that she wouldn't survive, but she did!

 We always have such a fun time together.

I'm thankful to have friends who love to hike and run and are willing to go with me.

On Fridays and Dying

I hate Fridays and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I work all day. I don't know, but whatever it is it seems to sneak up and bite me in the butt every Friday.

Last Friday was no different. Penny and I went to lunch and venting to her made me feel better but then after lunch Chris ate M&M's right in front of me! The nerve! He knows I'm on a strict NO JUNKFOOD diet. Let me tell you that smell almost did me in. Almost.

After work Ian, Max and I ventured to Sam's Club where they had a roadshow with the best flat irons I've ever seen. I bought one and my hair feels and looks 100 times better. I never knew a flat iron could make such a difference! And it's amazing how much better I feel about myself when my hair looks good. So Friday was definitely looking up...

but then I almost died.

I was eating a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats and a bite went down the wrong pipe. I started coughing. And then coughing some more. I staggered toward the kitchen searching for water. My chest started to feel tingly and every time I tried to talk a horrible wheezing sound came out. Ian happened to be in the kitchen and looked over at me. "Are you ok???" I shook my head no. He immediately started to try to do the Heimlich on me. BTW, Ian does NOT know how to do the Heimlich. Later he told the boys he saved my life.

Ummmm....NOT.

I kept coughing, feeling lightheaded and tingly. Finally I bent over the sink and whatever was in my throat went down.

Here's the funny thing - my life didn't flash before my eyes. I didn't have some major ephipany (and boy oh boy I wanted that ephiphany!). I saw no light. In fact, I remember thinking..."So this is what it feels like to choke to death".

So maybe I wasn't dying after all.

Huh.

And come to think of it, maybe I haven't given Fridays a fair shot.

Something to think about.

Glasses

It's no secret I want glasses. I can't help it - I just want to fit in at work! I was craving a pair of Juicy Coutures but we sold them so I had to let go of that dream.

Next I found a pair of Gucci's that I loved. But they were quite costly plus Suzy liked them and since she actually needs glasses I let her have them.

Because that's the kind of friend I am. Today I found these Anna Sui's. I am in love. Ignore the little spot in the left lenses - that's where it says "Anna Sui". I can't take that off unless I am going to purchase the glasses. I brought them home today to show them off. I tried to convince Tiffany that they are a fashion accessory. She thinks I'm crazy.

Do I look crazy to you? Wait...don't answer that. Apparently I have no pride.

p.s. are my arms really that beefy?

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year I would like a crock pot to replace the one that Evan smashed to pieces. I really used to love putting a roast or stew in the crock pot before church and coming home to delicious smells and a ready-made lunch!

I want rollerskates so that I can become a Roller-Derby queen. I can use it to let out all of my pent up aggression.

Please bring me The Proposal on DVD or Blue-ray. Ian and I laughed our heads off when we watched it together - It's one we should own.

Alexander and I both would like a box of Cellas dark chocolate covered cherries. They are heaven in a box and really hard to find.

A gift certificate to Amazon would be nice - I love ordering books from them and everytime they come in the mail it feels like Christmas!

Santa, I feel like I've been pretty good this year. My children are all still alive. My husband is well fed and his laundry is done. My house is clean at least once a week. All in all I'd call it a successful year.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. didn't Ian do an awesome job on the Christmas lights?

Hi, I'm Sheri and I'm socially inept.

Someone complimented me on my bright green shirt today. I should've said, "Thank you!" Instead I went on a 5 minute rant about how I never buy bright colors for my wardrobe because I feel it draws attention to myself. And that was when I noticed that both of the women I was speaking to were wearing bright shirts.

I love that green shirt. I don't wear it too often but it's one of my favorites and everytime someone compliments me on it I feel like saying, "Thank you. Thank you for validating my clothing choice." (yes, I am that shallow) But instead I just start talking all the while shoving my foot farther down my throat.

I need to belong to a support group. I get nervous going to social gatherings unless I'm going with someone I know. I feel the need to talk if no one else is. I will talk about inappropriate things. And I stick my foot in my mouth over and over again.

It's a problem.

P.S. could someone please e-mail me and tell me how to post videos? cuz what I'm doing isn't working. E-mail me at: sheritrezise@aol.com

Magic Hands

Last night was horrible. Evan has a cold and was up every hour. He has a horrible cough and stuffed up nose. I'd just get back to bed and I'd hear, "Mom! Mom! I need wa-ter!" So I'd get him some water. 15 minutes later, "Mom! I watch 'Cars'!" or "Mom! I go Tiffany howwwsss!" Fun times.

So today I am tired. After family prayer this evening I layed on the carpet on my stomach and asked for a back massage. Xander quickly complied. Ian has trained him well. It was one of the best back massages. Meanwhile, Ian layed on his stomach and asked for a massage (hoping Ben would oblige). Max came running. And hysterics ensued. Seriously. Some of that boy's "massage" techniques were hilarious. Ian kept looking over at Xander and me saying, "Max, you need to show mom your skills." "That's o.k," I replied, "Xander is AWESOME!" Ian gave me the evil eye.

Later Max refused to massage me because I wouldn't take my shirt off. It was the perfect excuse so I didn't have to endure his techniques. All I can say is that when I saw Max pull out the chopsticks to "massage" I was counting my blessings.

Xander could have a career in massage therapy. That boy has magic hands.

Cleaning out my closet

I used to store my clothes in two closets. I just can't throw out clothes. No matter that I haven't worn a shirt in 10 years. I can't throw or give it away. It means to much too me. I am emotionally attached.

I don't think Tiffany knew this when she suggested we help each other clean out our closets. Friday night she came over to help with the purging. Surprisingly when she saw the heaps and mounds of clothes in my room she didn't even bat an eye. She immediately started sorting and order me to start trying on. "Too baggy" "Too short" "Too ugly" and "You wore that shirt in college!" were oft used phrases. And my give away pile got bigger and bigger. I tried to talk her into letting me keep my 10 year old Abercrombie jeans but she wouldn't even give an inch on those! (Something about them being out of style - as if!) And she quickly vetoed my pink JCrew camp shirt. I was so sure once I tried that on she'd see why I've held onto it all these years. So what if I never wear it?

The worst were all my JCrew skirts. I almost cried when I added my tartan knee length JCrew skirt to the "throw away" pile. That skirt and I have had some great times together. I did rescue my peasant JCrew skirt though. I looks good baggy! Who cares that it's 2 sizes bigger than I normally wear? I saved up for that skirt! And waited until it went on sale. I'm not parting with it...EVER!

2 and 1/2 hours later I packed up 6 garbage bags full of clothes. SIX! And it felt so good, I've got to admit.

And I feel even better knowing now it's her turn :).

Higher Ground

A while ago, Anniepants did a post about her love of high heels. At the time, the feeling I could most identify with high heels was PAIN. I have since seen the light.

A year ago, I would've never purchased something like the red heels at the top of the page. However, one night a few months ago Tiffany and I were at Dillards end-of-the-season shoe sale and she talked me into those. I believe they were $14.00. And I still thought of taking them back atleast 10 times. I don't own anything red, they are really high and more froo-froo then I usually like to go. But let me tell you when I put those suckers on, magic happens. My legs look longer, skinnier and sexier (not to toot my own horn). And I get compliments every time I wear them. Every time.

I needed a brown shoe for church and I found these on sale at Kohls. I love that I can wear them with jeans or with a skirt. I used to make fun of girls who wore high heels with jeans. It turns out, they were (are) much smarter than me. Wearing heels with jeans elevates and enhances your butt. So my ghetto booty doesn't look so ghettoish. And they lengthen my legs. I don't wear heels with jeans alot, but when I do I feel put together. You know?

I had to post this last pair. Jill had to talk me into these at DSW. They were on clearance for $12.00. She looked at me like I was insane when I told her I didn't think I was going to get them. They don't match anything I have. I am all about matching. Tiffany is trying to break me of this. But old habits die hard. Once I put these on, I knew they were (still are) my favorite. They are artsy, fun and high enough to make me look good. And they are comfortable. Enough said.

I have learned that the pain of the heel is way worth the benefits you get in return.

Do you have a favorite shoe?

Sometimes...

Photo by Dallin

when I'm running really fast I yell, "Run, Forest, RUN!" but only in my head.

I think about taking my children to Disneyland instead of school.

I make up scenarios in my head. Sometimes they involve famous people.

I think about writing a book. All about Max.

I want to find a place to crawl in and hide.

when I hear "Mom!" too many times I scream, "WHAT???" at the top of my lungs.

I am a sucker for Evan.

I wish that chocolate consumed in large quantities was as good for me as broccoli.

I check on my kids 10 times at night.

I am scared of the dark.

I want to move somewhere where no one knows me.

I have the best kids in the world.

I wish I worked at Target. Or the movie theater.

I want to have an all-night dance party. But only if I get to pick the music.

I can't pee standing up...

I have always been a girlie girl. Don't get me wrong, I skateboarded, played sports and got in dirt clod fights as a kid, but I always loved to play dress up or secretary. My cousin Wendy and I used to go over to our best friend Heidi's house to sit in her garage and act like we were secretary's in a big company. Heidi's dad sold insurance and had lots of expired paperwork that we stamped, signed and made notes on. We had a system and were very efficient. I find it interesting that we didn't play "actresses" or "models" - we were secretaries. We dreamt big.

Or I remember getting dressed up and teasing our hair and then lip syncing to Cyndi Lauper or Madonna. My dad would video tape us making fools of ourselves. I loved putting on make-up. Of course we were strickly forbidden to wear make up until Jr. High, but I remember begging my mom in the 5th grade to wear eye shadow. She stood firm. But I had my ways. Amy Speirs would bring her make-up and apply bright purple eye shadow to my lids every day before class. That kind of back fired when my 5th grade pictures came home and I looked like a hussy.

Sometimes it doesn't seem fair that I'm a mom to 4 boys. I thought for sure I'd have girls - I love all that girlie stuff! It's like I'm being wasted on these boys. And then I saw a commercial for Bratz. And suddenly, I remember how happy I am with my dirt throwing, super hero loving, video game playing boys. It's all good. Because I'm the only princess in these parts. And that's the way I like it.

*This is one of those times I wish I had a scanner.

Bend and Break

I having a week. You know, the kind of week where I am yelling too much, crying too much, eating too much...and sleeping not enough. One of those.

Whenever I felt this way as a teenager I would shut my bedroom door and turn up the music. The Smiths or The Cure, preferably. Then I'd lay on my bed and feel sorry for myself. And sing, "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" at the top of my lungs.

Somewhere between then and now I have grown up (a little). I don't feel sorry for myself - I know there are people way worse off than me. But I still lay on my bed and crank up the music. Coldplay and Keane this time - singing "Crystal Ball" at the top of my lungs.

And somehow it makes me feel better.

Today...

I broke down in the car after dropping Max off at kindergarten

I sat at the OBGYN's office for an hour naked and then had to leave to pick up Max so I didn't even have the exam which brought on breakdown numero dos

Evan said "pees" (please)

I thought about chocolate cake. A lot.

Max explained how you have to raise your hand to talk in school. I couldn't stop laughing.

Ben broke down in a fit of giggles during FHE

Alexander and I took a car ride. We discussed the best ways to tease Ian. Xander's a genius.

I hated to love Sonic. Damn those Styrofoam cups.

Max still looks like he's had Collagen.

Tiffany officially became a Twilight Fan. Welcome to Team Edward, Tiffany.

Xander told me a secret.

I unintentionally broke a sweat.

Evan played with Ro.

I discovered that back-to-school means back to after-school wrestling matches

Evan Speaks:

As of 9:45 on Tuesday night the video was working...

All made up with no where to go

Ian had today off. Besides working, I spent the day getting my kids stuff for school. I felt like I wasn't even buying that much but holy cow I spent ALOT of money. I even bought everything on sale. I made the mistake of taking Ben with me to one store because he needs shoes. So of course Max came too. I look over and Max is on top (yes ON TOP) of one of the clothing racks and screams, "Mom! Look at me!" For a second I wanted to pretend that he wasn't mine, but then my mommy instincts kicked in and I ran over, rescued him and started whispering threats under my breath. You know, things like, "if you EVER do that again I will buy you pink shoes and make you where them to school."

Ben wanted the ugliest, most atrocious looking shoes but luck was on my side and they didn't have his size. He ended up with a pair of black Vans.

Later on Tricia, Trina and I went to Nordstrom to get makeup at MAC Cosmetics. We all ended up getting make-overs. We did look hot, I must say. Although we felt a little too hot - like lady of the night hot. Tricia had to leave early to go to guitar so Trina and I shopped a little, picked up a salad and some frozen yogurt and headed over to my mom's for SYTYCD! YIPPE! There is ALOT I can say about tonight's show but I will limit myself to 2 things. 1. If they EVER have 2 Step on that show again I will BOYCOTT it. I'M SERIOUS, NIGEL! and 2. It was one of the best shows of this season and how great was Little C as a judge?(I know! that's 3 things - deal with it!).

The best part of the night was when Tricia jumped off the couch screaming, which caused everyone else to jump up and scream - Ian ran into another room screaming! I guess a spider crawled in her pants. It got our adrenaline going so that we could do a little photo shoot for y'all (see! SEE what the 2 Step does to me?). Enjoy.

P.S. We missed you Kim! Ian was chalk full of the comedy tonight. Between him and Stacy, we were thoroughly entertained. Hope you feel better!

Obsessed

My name is Sheri and I have an obsessive personality. I totally blame it on my mom. I believe I've mentioned this before. Currently I have a few obsessions. I am obsessed with the Roxy Corinne bermuda shorts. It's getting bad - ask Tiffany. No stores in the area have my size (or any for that matter) so I even went so far as to e-mail Roxy and let them know that my happiness depends upon me having these shorts. I haven't heard back.

I am also obsessed with So You Think You Can Dance. I may have mentioned this before. I live for Wednesdays and Thursdays. I look forward to it all day. I'm so excited right now that I can barely contain myself.

I am happy to say that my obsession with cherry dipped cones seems to be waning a bit. Although now I am liking the cherry dilly bars. There is a better and more even distribution of cherry and ice cream. Although as far as obsessions go I think I'm becoming obsessed with Golden Spoons rasberry cheesecake yogurt with cariob sprinkles. I blame Tiffany for this.

Sometimes I fear that I will pass on this not so great personality trait to my kids. Then I think about yesterday, when Alexander asked me atleast 50 times to take him to see the Hulk.

Too late.

Camped Out

I think girls camp was more for me than for the girls. I had so much fun. It was like being at a HUGE, spiritual slumber party for 3 days. Our stake doesn't go to those fancy camps where there are cabins, showers and toliets. We rough it. Tents, fires, porta johns (YUCK) and you can take one shower (you have 2 minutes of water) but I decided to embrace my filth. I went with one of my best friends, Adrienne. We get along so well and I feel like I can say whatever to her, and she still likes me :). What had lots of late night talks and it was so great to get some fresh perspective on my problems. Plus the girls ROCKED! On one of the hikes I was talking to one of the girls who is going to be a senior in highschool next year and I was shocked by the pressures and temptations that our youth face. So much worse than when I was in highschool. These girls are really striving to be strong, moral young women and I was so impressed. I can't even begin to say...

They did quite a few faith building activities but I have to say my favorite was called "Solo Time". On Friday afternoon, each girl (I think there were 80 total) was given a journal and was asked to go into the woods, sit quietly and read their scriptures and write their thoughts down. I had lent my scriptures to a girl who had came with our group but wasn't member of our church, so I just sat and pondered and prayed for 40 minutes. I thought about what my priorities are, where I want to be in the future, how I can be a better wife and mother and a better person in general. It was a wonderful experience...and so cool to see all those girls studying their scriptures.

For some reason, while I was there I didn't worry about the boys at all. Maybe it finally dawned on me that they do have an awesome dad...and I came home to a SPOTLESS house (the floors were even mopped) and all the kids were happy - so much so that they barely acted excited to see me...although Evan has been quite clingy today. Ian told me that it was nice to be the primary caregiver - it was cool to be the one that the kids were relying on.

This experience taught me that attitude is so important. I went with a positive attitude - prepared to get the most from the experience - and I did. I hope I get to do it again soon...

P.S. I would post pictures but my camera battery is dead and I can't find the charger. I'll post them when I find it.

P.P.S. I am still exhausted. Literally. No energy. I have drank atleast 5 Dr. Peppers in the last 24 hours. We are going to the beach this week so hopefully that will rejuvenate me.

What was old is new again

The only person who comes close to Ian in artistic temperment (eye for detail, perfectionist) is Kim. Therefore she was the perfect person to redo my parent's fireplace. Years ago, when I was pregnant with Alexander my mom went through a "white" phase. White, white, white. White car, white cabinets, dress in white for photos, WHITE! So naturally she wanted to paint her gorgeous red brick fireplace...white. We all tried to talk her out of it. Tried to tell her...but no...she wouldn't listen. A couple gallons of paint and BAM! All white brick. Ug-ly. We teased her mercilessly for years about the fireplace. We reminiced about our youth - when the bricks were red and the grout was black. It gave the room such character - and now we had to look at sterile bricks and grout. Blah. A few years ago my mom finally came to her senses and decided to scrape the paint off and try to restore the fireplace. Enter Kim. Stay at home mom, whose child was now in school all day. The perfect perfectionist, I mean person for the job. A couple of years later and we are back to beautiful bricks and grout. Check out Kim's hard work here. The pictures do not do it justice.

Speaking of...Saturday when I was gone to the PTA shindig, Ian got a bee in his bonnet and decided to surprise me by re-doing the beach cruiser for me (I had actually given it to him for Christmas the first year we were married). He got new tires, re-painted it, oiled everything, ect...I'll admit, I was a little annoyed - mostly because we have LOTS of half finished projects around the house and I anticipated that this would be another...but he finished it today! I LOVE it! I'm so excited to ride bikes with my boyz...and maybe take it to the beach sometime. Plus it rocks - I mean just look at all the detail Ian painted on...totally old school. LOVE IT!
P.S. Say a little prayer for me as I will be freezing my patooty off in the wilderness with 8 teenage girls for the next few days...

Digital Girl

I love e-mail. I know, I am so 21st century. I like it because instead of having an hour conversation with someone, I can type 2 sentences and get to the point. Some people complain that e-mail is impersonal. And that's o.k. by me. I don't need to talk to you and get personal. I just want to get business done in the shortest time possible.

O.k. here's the truth. My phone skills suck. Really. And the less I know you the more inept I am. Because if I know you, you know that I have no phone skills and won't get offended when I abruptly end our conversation. Or maybe you'll get offended but you'll get over it if you still want to be friends.

Cell phones are the worst. I find myself constantly interrupting people and then they are breaking up and I can't hear them any way. Most of the time I hate talking on my cell phone.

I have recently become a fan of text messaging. It's just like e-mail - but better because 99% of people always have their cell phone and I usually get a reply much quicker. It's great for on-going jokes. Ian and I do it all the time (tell on-going jokes that is). Although I am incredibly slow at texting. You should see my nephew J. If there was a competition, he would totally win. Ian is pretty good but now he speaks his texts which is more hilarious than you can imagine. Whenever he is speaking a text in front of me I break into uncontrollable giggles which causes him to mess up and the phone guesses the wrong words. For some reason whenever he starts with his robot voice I can't help myself - it sounds so stupid.

I do like talking on the phone to a select few. But most of the time I dread making phone calls. It's always nice if my kids are nearby because then I can pinch one of them when I want to get off the phone. "Oh no! I have to go - Evan just started screaming!" Works like a charm every time.

Birthday Loot

This book was the brain child of Ian. Kim and Tricia took the pictures and Tricia spent countless hours editing and creating the book. You'll have to come over and look at it - it makes me cry everytime.

music & chocolate - is there anything better?

Movie, movie tickets, more candy and a Coach purse (thank you Tiffany!)! I love it. I almost don't want to use it because I love it so much :)

Ian did a great job this year making Valentines Day and my birthday special. Too bad for him - I'm going to expect this treatment from now on!