Why...

does my foot hurt?

do I think chocolate is a necessity?

do I get my feelings hurt over trivial things?

do I love ice-cream so much? I think I might have a problem.

do I always want to hide myself away and read?

is Max Dr. Jeckell/Mr. Hyde?

do I always owe somebody something?

did I love "17 Again" so much? Like wayyyy too much.

do I feel guilty?

am I so anxious for So You Think You Can Dance to start?

do I get obsessed?

do I always feel like I'm not doing enough?

Any help with any one of these questions, would be great.

I can't pee standing up...

I have always been a girlie girl. Don't get me wrong, I skateboarded, played sports and got in dirt clod fights as a kid, but I always loved to play dress up or secretary. My cousin Wendy and I used to go over to our best friend Heidi's house to sit in her garage and act like we were secretary's in a big company. Heidi's dad sold insurance and had lots of expired paperwork that we stamped, signed and made notes on. We had a system and were very efficient. I find it interesting that we didn't play "actresses" or "models" - we were secretaries. We dreamt big.

Or I remember getting dressed up and teasing our hair and then lip syncing to Cyndi Lauper or Madonna. My dad would video tape us making fools of ourselves. I loved putting on make-up. Of course we were strickly forbidden to wear make up until Jr. High, but I remember begging my mom in the 5th grade to wear eye shadow. She stood firm. But I had my ways. Amy Speirs would bring her make-up and apply bright purple eye shadow to my lids every day before class. That kind of back fired when my 5th grade pictures came home and I looked like a hussy.

Sometimes it doesn't seem fair that I'm a mom to 4 boys. I thought for sure I'd have girls - I love all that girlie stuff! It's like I'm being wasted on these boys. And then I saw a commercial for Bratz. And suddenly, I remember how happy I am with my dirt throwing, super hero loving, video game playing boys. It's all good. Because I'm the only princess in these parts. And that's the way I like it.

*This is one of those times I wish I had a scanner.

Petty

My husband and I tend to fight over petty things. We'll have little arguments about major things but usually we work it out quickly. It's those little annoying things that tend to become overblown, throw down fights. Like last night we fought about the covers on our bed. This is not a new fight. We fight about this ALOT. Mostly because I think that during the middle of the night I tend to be a tad irrational (it was 2:30 am after all). And my husband is a blanket hog.

I was still so upset this morning that when I got up to run I hid my pillow (Ian looks forward to me getting up to exercise so that he can steal my pillow which is arguably the most comfortable pillow on the face of the earth). And when I got back this morning and Ian was leaving for work, I still refused to talk to him (and I'm pretty sure he was ignoring me too).

So why is that? And is it normal? Does anyone else hold grudges over stupid, inconsequential things? Why can I forgive the big things and not the little?

the 411

When I first got called to be ward camp director I was excited. No kids, no husband, no dirty house for 3 days...it sounded like a wonderful vacation. Now I'm thinking,"No kids! No husband!" and I'm freaking out. Especially about Evan. I was gone all day Saturday and when I walked in the door they all started shouting, "MOM!" and ran circles around me, laughing. Evan was the funniest...he kept kissing me over and over. I was gone for 8 1/2 hours...how's it going to be after 3 days? Ian is perfectly capable...just forgetful. I think Evan was the only one who got 3 square meals on Saturday (and that's because of that other time when I was gone for 5 hours and he forgot to feed Evan and Evan was screaming and Ian was frantically taking his temperature and I came home and asked, "when did he eat last?" And then a light went off and Ian exclaimed, "He's HUNGRY!" - btw, before I left I had reminded Ian to feed the baby and he had replied, "It's our 4th baby - I think I know how to take care of him!" Hmmmm....) So I'm a little nervous...

Yesterday was my parents 40th wedding anniversary. They are such awesome parents, awesome people, awesome friends!... They were in San Diego with Jared and his family because Jared ran the Rock-n-Roll marathon (I hear there was some chaffing?). On Saturday they were all eating at Seaport Village and were interviewed for news channel 3. My kids had such a blast watching their cousins and grandparents on the news this morning. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! I love you!

Max had his kindergarten testing today. Alexander prepped him this morning by having Max say his ABC's, spell his name, count to 20, ect. I took Max and Ben came for moral support (and we were going to Target after). The lady came out to get Max and said, "Are you ready to come with me?" He looked at her and then replied, "No." After that I thought for sure that he would refuse to answer any questions, but the lady said he did great. On the way to Target Ben and I were asking Max how it went. "I had to write my name. I had to tell that lady what letters the words started with...and I counted to 49." "Did you write your first and last name?" I asked. "No, because I can't spell Freezise". Ben then exclaims, "They're going to say you failed because that's not even your last name! They won't know it was you!" I assured Max that it was alright...the woman knew his last name.

Last night I was sitting on the couch, holding Evan when Ian leaned over and kissed me. As soon as Ian pulled away, Evan grabbed my face and started kissing me hard core...then Ian kissed me again, then Evan would kiss me again...it was nice.

Memorable Day

Memorial Day was fun. Ian had the day off so I of course took advantage of that by getting some shopping done BY MYSELF this morning. I tried to guilt Tiffany into coming but she didn't want to brave the crowds. I'm such a bad shopper when I am by myself. I either buy too much because I can't make a decision (and then return it all later) or I buy nothing then agonize over what I didn't buy. Tiffany has great fashion sense so I like it when she comes with me. She'll tell me if my butt looks too big in what I'm trying on (which it often does) or whether I can pull off a certain shirt or shoes. It was fun to be out and not navigating a stroller or yelling at a kid. Very zen. Especially since Evan has taken to saying "mom" atleast every 30 seconds. Just for fun. It was cute the first 1000 times.

Alexander went with my dad and Michael to the cabin early in the morning which changed the whole dynamic of the house. It was quiet. No teasing and wrestling. It's true that Xander initiates alot of the "trouble" that goes on here. I think he just gets bored. That kid likes to be going and doing. Hmmm...wonder where he gets that from. He called later and claimed they saw 34 elk. He sounded so giddy and happy - I am so thankful for my dad -he loves spending time with his grandkids - he's taught Xander how to shoot a rifle, drive a Ranger, hammer a nail, catch a lizard, spot an elk and the list goes on. He has a special bond with each of his grandkids - I am always so impressed how he'll drop everything if one of them needs a ride, wants to be pushed on a swing, wants to do a puzzle, needs help building something for school, etc., ect....

Later on we went to my mom's for a BBQ. My grandpa is here for a doctor appointment so he came too. It was so cute how Rowan just ran up and sat on his lap. Other highlights from the BBQ:

*Tricia's salad

*Kim's ice-cream floats

*Addy's haircut

*Underdogs with Max and Addy

*Evan doing "downward dog" in the sand

*punching Darrel (he had it coming)

*Erik, Amelia, Tim, Becca and MELANIE (the cutest one gets capital letters)

*Emmy in the pool

*Max going down the slide

*Ben & Evan playing ball

After the BBQ Ian, Brian and I went and saw the Indiana Jones movie. Still not sure how I feel about the movie as a whole but I LOVED Harrison of course (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is still my favorite). So much so that on the way home Ian felt it was necessary to do all his Harrison impersonations. Brian and I were rolling with laughter. Sometimes I forget how much I love being married to Ian...

Today...

was my kids' last day of school.

it rained. At 2:00pm my car said the temperature outside was 57 degrees. Let's not forget that it was 110 degrees on Monday.

I saw Narnia with my boys. AWESOME - on soooo many levels.

dinner cost us $8.54 at Taco Bell. We all ate except for Xander who went out with my parents.

my mom & dad took Alexander to the mall to buy the hat he has wanted. I was thankful not to have to take 4 kids to the mall in the pouring rain.

So You Think You Can Dance started. That last dude was amazing! Alexander tried imitating him which freaked Ian out...he yelled for Xander to stop and I yelled for him to keep going. Xander stopped.

was the season finale of Grey's. Meredith & Derek on back ON! (although I fully expect Derek to get hit by a car, lose his memory or get ravaged by a wild beast so he won't make it back to Meredith).

Ben lost his future telling bracelet. He says it's o.k. because if everyone found out about it then they would all want to know their futures. It would be too much for him to handle. Seriously. He's my favorite right now.

Max combed his hair down 50 billion times. His obsession with his physical appearance will be the subject of another blog.

All in all, a pretty great day.

Are you normal?

Tiffany and I were talking the other day (hey Tiff - if you had a blog I could've linked it to your name...I'm just saying...) about how a lot of times you'll go on blogs and it will seem like everything is sunshine and roses. Not realistic and it makes you feel bad for yelling at your kids, having cold cereal for dinner and letting your boys stay up late to finish watching a show even though it's a school night. Then I read Christy's blog today (see how easy it is? C'mon Tiff - everyone's doing it...) and she blogged about the same thing. Here are a few things about my life to make you all feel better about yours (no judging allowed!):

I think my 10 year-old hates me (either that or he resents me) and he's not even a teenager yet!

I worry about money all the time. And we are in debt. And I need money to fix LOTS of things around the house including AC, bathtub, and drywall. Plus we still don't have a yard.

I'm afraid Evan is becoming a brat...There! I said it. He screams like pteradactyl whenever he doesn't get his way. Then he'll fling his head back and usually either head-butt me or cause me pain somewhere else. It makes me want to scream (but I only scream on the inside because then there would be 2 babies in the family...and we can't have that).

I feel like I am lagging in every area of my life. At church, in my work, at home, with my kids...I feel like I'm always reacting to what's going on - I'm never ahead of the game.

I once left Evan in the car. I totally forgot about him for about 10 minutes. Luckily it was winter and he slept through it all.

Like Kim I spent ALOT of this weekend watching the So You Think You Can Dance marathon on MTV. Stupid title, AWESOME show. It made me happy.

Although I do exercise, I eat entirely too much chocolate and other junk. Seriously...somedays I struggle to even eat a vegetable. (the first step is admitting I have a problem...)

My house is messy 99% of the time. I dust about once a month. I hate doing laundry. The only room that is consistently clean is the kitchen. Ian is much better at cleaning the bathrooms then me, so I graciously let him do it...when he has the time.

Even though I pray for patience, I yell at my kids. I think I yelled, "LET GO OF YOUR BROTHER!" atleast 10 times this week...that and "GO TO YOUR ROOM!" I'm beginning to think they won't be happy until they break me. Just kidding...not really.

There are LOTS more things I could add, but then what would I blog about? The truth is we all have crappy days. We all have problems. Everybody fights with their husbands and gets frustrated with their kids. Hmmm...I should really say something profound here, but I got nothin'.