Maka-Fekes

I used to get upset when things didn't go my way. I used to be stressed when things didn't turn out as I planned - but really, do they ever? Then I had children. Whatever plans you may have, you might as well throw out the window. Especially when you have a child like Max. Max likes being in charge and he likes taking charge. Sometimes I have to remind myself and him who the parent is. For a long time Max was the baby of the family and his behavior now reflects that to some extent. He still thinks he should be the center of attention and acts out when he isn't. He has tested Ian and I in so many ways that now I pick my battles where he is concerned. So what if he won't put on matching clothes...So what if he won't let me comb his hair...So what if his underwear is on backwards - he's wearing it isn't he? It's all about choices. If I lay it on the line and give him a choice, 90% of the time he chooses the way I want him to. He just want to be the boss. He's always telling me, "I'm the boss of me!"

Lately we've been discussing choices we make and the consequences. I told the kids a story out of the Friend Magazine about "maka-fekes" which in Tongan means "octopus lure". In Tonga they fish for octupus using a fishing lure made with a round stone and sea shells. The fisherman then glide their canoes over the reefs, paddling with one hand and dangling the maka-feke over the side with the other. An octopus will dash out of its lair, seizing the maka-feke (mistaking it for a much desired meal). The octopus is so determined not to let go what it perceives as food that the fisherman can pretty much flip it into the canoe without a fight. I asked the kids, "What are some maka-fekes in our life?" meaning what things do we do even though we know they are wrong? We talked about dishonesty, losing our temper, ect. Max raises his hand and says, "I'm not going to get in a maka-feke - I'm going to be nice." For the next week all I had to say is "don't fall into the maka-feke, Max" and he'd stop, think and most of the time start to behave. It's funny to me how a simple story can make a child want to behave.

It's so hard to raise kids these days, I'll take all the help I can get.