For me one of the best things about being pregnant was thinking about what each child would look like. Would they have blue eyes? Green eyes? Blond hair? Curly hair? As babies they all have pretty much looked the same, but the older they get the more they change. Not just physically. Alexander and Ben are in a lot of ways polar opposites.
Alexander did not want to learn to ride a bike. For a long time Ian and I had encouraged him to learn to ride without training wheels. Ian's parents had bought him a really nice 2-wheeler but it sat in our garage untouched because Alexander had no desire to learn. Part of the reason is that a lot of things come naturally for Xander and this didn't. If he can't learn something right away and do it well then he gives up. Ben also had a bike but his had training wheels. He rode it all over (see My Worst Day post).
One day we're out front and Ben is riding around the cul-da-sac. Tiffany was there and we're all chit-chatting. Ian innocently remarks that he could probably take the training wheels off of Ben's bike - Ben looks like he's ready. So Ian starts to take the training wheels off as Alexander rushes by to get his bike. Ian helps Ben on the bike and he is riding! The look in Alexander's eye was priceless. He frantically tries to get on his bike - the fact that his younger brother is riding a 2 wheeler before him is killing him. Tiffany and I are laughing so hard that there are tears running from our eyes. Alexander learned to ride a bike 5 minutes after Ben. He likes to deny it, but it's the truth.
I have especially noticed the difference when it come to sports. Alexander is all about winning and practicing. Ben is more about socializing. I watched Ben play at his game today and half the time he was kicking dirt and biting his nails. It's kind of comical - the ball will be rolling right toward Ben but if it's not directly in his path then he will not exert the energy to get it. Ben thinks his team wins every game (totally not the case) or if he knows they lost he will insist that it was close and they almost won. Alexander will then pipe in with the exact score along with how many errors there were.
I love that Alexander likes to win. The thing that bothers me is that he is afraid to fail. He is so hard on himself and if he feels like he's failed he won't try again. In the first grade he was invited to a roller skating birthday party. He put the skates on and immediately realized that it was harder than it looked. Instead of trying he basically sulked and sat and watched the other kids. Ben was invited to a roller skating birthday party last year and I thought, "Great...here we go again". Ben put the skates on and immediately fell. And then he got back up. And he went into the rink and skated all around. He had the best time just being with his friends, learning something new. I love that Ben isn't afraid to fail. I just worry that he doesn't have that competitiveness to him.
I love watching my sons learn and grow. I know as parents, it's mine and Ian's job to guide them and teach them. I just don't want to fail them.
P.S. I loved the movie- I'd see it again if I had more time and money :)
8 comments:
Sometimes I think those who aren't competitive have the best life. How great would it be to go through life not caring one bit who got the best score on a test, who won the game, who made more money, who has the best kids, etc. Just doing things for the enjoyment of it sounds pretty good! I think you can have personal success without being competitive and personal success, whatever that is for you, is the best you can hope for your children. Sounds like Ben is quite comfortable in his own skin!
I love Laura's comment and couldn't agree more. On a side note, I must be looking fabulous as my darling boy Liam just told me my hair looks HIDEOUS. Don't you wish you were me.
Seriously, Tiffany - you need to start your own blog. Liam alone would give you endless material.
I just wish Ben was even a little competitive. I guess I should've said I don't want him to be apathetic.
I know how you feel - my boys can be super competitive about certain things, but completely apethetic about others... it's maddening to watch, but I guess that's part of growing up! I think our biggest trial is to not mold them into what we feel is the perfect person... we are probably wrong, anyway, we just need to let them be who they are and love them anyway!
It is weird how every child can be totally different. I struggle with Amelia and Rachel at times. Amelia will give up if it looks like Rachel is doing better or she will sabatage Rachel. It makes me mad because Amelia is such a sweet girl and I hate to see this side of her. When you figure out how to handle this let me know.
I am not kidding, I literally had the exact same (ok, almost) bike story 4 days ago. Only difference is Rhon was riding with no training wheels last year, and Bryn didn't care until I told Rhon to ride Bryn's bike. She grew out of hers and Bryn's is bigger. I swear the personality similarities are freaky.
I loved the movie too! Next time we'll have to go together :)
This post reminds me a little of Boston and Mason. The difference in our boys is that Boston expects everything to come easy to him, it usually does. He doesn't like to work at things very hard - because they do come easy. Mason however will work very hard at something to be good at it. There are things that come easy to him too, but he will put the effort in to make sure he does them well. Our boys are very very competitive with each other. The sad part is Mason can beat up Boston if we wants to! His determination is inspiring sometimes and frustrating in other times.
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