It's been

a week since I blogged.  Mostly because I've made a conscious effort to spend more time with my boys and less time on the computer.  I feel like I'm constantly trying to find the balance between work, being a wife and mom and finding time for the things I love to do - like reading, running and blogging.  Ian likes me to spend time with him after the kids are in bed, so it's been hard to find the time to blog.

This morning I woke up and felt so weird.  My head was spinning and I felt like my heart would beat out of my chest.  It felt like I was having a panic attack.  Well, I am the queen of pretending nothing is wrong so I got up, took a shower and started to prepare my lesson for church.  Only I couldn't concentrate on any thing and my children were driving me crazy.  They weren't even misbehaving I just felt like I was going to jump out of my skin.

I feel like I am a logical person.  When I feel this way I get so irritated and basically I feel like a failure.  I went to my bed and just cried because I knew there was no way I was making it to sacrament meeting feeling this way, and that made me feel more like a failure.  I cried my eyes out to Ian all the while he was cracking jokes and making me laugh while I was crying - showing me how silly I was being.  I really love that about him.

We got ready and made it to church after sacrament meeting.  Ian gave the lesson to our primary class and I basically sat there, trying to participate but feeling crazy and unhinged the whole time.  Finally I had to leave and then come back to get everyone.

I am grateful that Ian was there to help me and didn't make a big deal of it.  And I'm grateful that after a 2 hour nap I felt infinitely better.

I haven't felt that way in a long time and it was scary.