Read My Mind

Sometimes I feel like I'm socially inept. I have no idea what to say to certain people then can't shut up around other people. To top it off sometimes my mouth shoots off and later my brain will catch up. Apparently my son has inherited this quality (or shall I say "vice"?). Yesterday afterschool Xander told me he broke up with his "girlfriend". I use that term loosely. The definition of girlfriend/boyfriend in the 4th grade is note passing and shy smiles (no physical contact - thank goodness). I have let Xander know countless times that he is way too young to have a girlfriend - he should just be friends with everyone. So when he reveals this information to me yesterday I am secretly pleased. I nonchalantly ask, "How did you do it?" He replies, "I wrote her a note that said, 'Consider yourself dumped!'" "WHAT?!?!!" (that's me). We then have a talk about treating people with respect - there were other ways he could've broken up with her without hurting her feelings.

This got me thinking. When Alexander was in kindergarten he had a playdate with a great family. When I went to get him he announced, "I'm hungry" and proceeded to start rummaging through these people's pantry. HELLO! I was mortified! I quickly made apologies, excuses and left with Xander. When we got in the car I started to lay into him and he interrupted, "Mom, you never told me I couldn't do that! I didn't know!" It then occurred to me that the other places he played at (grandmas, Tiffany's, Kim's) would've been totally fine for him to go through their pantry. It was a teaching moment for us both (who knew I had to explain things like that to my kid?).

Xander's second grade teacher told me that sometimes smarter kids have a little bit of trouble socially. O.k., then what's my excuse? Sometimes I feel like a kid who just made a social faux pas but there isn't anyone to correct me (unless Ian's there). I totally have foot-in-the-mouth disease. Relationships and people are a funny, tricky thing. Sometimes you just click. And then you go home and wonder if that person thought the same thing. Other times it's like trying to shove a size 9 foot into a size 6 shoe. It ain't happenin'. As I get older and my time becomes more and more precious, sometimes I don't even want to make the effort. Other times I yearn for friendship with a certain person, yet because of my insecurities I'm too shy or embarrased to put forth the effort.

I guess what I'm saying is I feel ill-equipped. How can I teach my son(s) how to deal with these situations when I tend to make a mess of them myself? Sheez, they really should make a handbook.