12 years ago today

I had my first baby.

Crazy. The day Alexander was born was one of the best days of my life. It felt like a new beginning. Like Ian and I were finally a family. It was scary - the thought of being in charge of this little being for the next 18 years (at least). But the feeling I remember most was overwhelming joy.

For the first 4 months of Xander's life, I felt like I was just surviving. Between feedings, changings and crying I barely slept at all. I remember every day around 5 he would start to cry. And cry. For 2 hours straight. At least. Ian and I would tag team - but nothing either of us would do helped. I remember the first day he didn't cry. I felt like we had just hurled over a major parenthood milestone. I know now that it was merely a speed bump.

For the first year of Xander's life I was anxious for his "firsts". I couldn't wait for him to smile, crawl, get his first tooth, walk. I wanted him to keep growing and doing. I wish I had savored him more. Held him more and just enjoyed being his mother. At the time, life seemed to move so slow. Now I feel like I blinked and he's 12.

I love that Xander is passionate about fishing.

I love his sense of humor.
I love the comics he draws. He's so talented.

I love to watch him play with Ruby, Molly or Matthea. He'll make an awesome dad someday.
I love the hugs he gives me. And the talks we have.

I love how responsible he is. I can count on him always.

I am so honored and proud to be his mother. Happy birthday Xan!