named Jill (she's actually one of my best friends). I like Jill for lots of reasons - she laughs at my jokes (even if they are not that funny), she always lets me vent and never gets offended by the stupid or insensitive stuff I might say. I've only known Jill for a couple of years and we've only became really good friends in the past year. But it feels like we've been friends forever and I know that I can trust her - which is invaluable to me.
Last night as we were hanging out, waiting for our boys' soccer practice to end I got to thinking...why is it so easy to be friends with Jill, but so hard for me to be friends with other people? 90% of the time after I leave a social situation I feel paranoid - like I've said something to hurt someones feelings or made a really stupid remark...I agonize over this. Does everyone feel this way?
I don't think so.
I've realized that I like having girlfriends. I like having other women to talk to and to ask advice from...Is that important? It's important to me. But I only want to make the time to hang out with certain people - is that bad? As I get older I am much more protective of my "free" time - I only want to spend it with people I really like :) Jill is one of those.
What do you look for in a friend?
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I have a friend...
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10 comments:
she is a good friend if she laughs at your jokes-just kidding. she is a good one. actually, their whole family rocks! i think a good friend is when it is totally comfortable. even if there is silence you can hang and not feel a need to fill that void with useless babble. that's why i don't speak to you Sheri..........................crickets............
sheri i love this post. i am actually going through losing a friend right now and i have mixed feelings about it. who really wants to lose a friend? but after reading your post it confirms my feelings that this wasn't a good friendship for me. and i also don't want to spend time with just anyone. i am stingy with my time and so i have a sigh of relief that i don't really have to worry about this friend anymore. sad, but not sad at the same time. friendships should be easy.
1st- I don't think you are extremely paranoid. At least not oddly so. I think a lot of people have the same insecurities you have. We all say things that come out the wrong way. I have never met a person who had a perfect command of language and could say things exactly right to never hurt anyone's feelings. Just remember that most people understand this and won't take offense.
2nd- For women, having girlfriends is very important. I guess it is for men too, but that is for an entirely different reason and only if they are single.
I read a study, or a couple of them that said that women who have girlfriends, or confidants who are female live longer than those who don't. We just have a different way of communicating than men do and I'm pretty sure everyone can attest to that.
3rd- I don't think you are being selfish with your time and only making time for certain people. Being a woman, especially a wife and mother, is extremely time consuming. You barely have time to think for yourself, much less bring other people into the time equation. I think as we get older our priorities change. We turn more toward our families. I am so grateful for the friends who don't hold it against me that I see them maybe once every 3 years. It makes me so happy that we can pick up where we left off and not get upset that one hasn't called the other.
Sorry this turned into a dissertation. I will confess, I am pretty long winded.
my favorite friends are the ones that never say negative things about people that aren't in the room (#1 trust test). the girls that struggle with that are hardest to be friends with for me.
Hopefully you didn't agonize after lunch the other day because it would have been in vain.
Girlfriends are so important. I've underestimated their importance for years. I still have a hard time making them and making time for them.
Honestly, I'm surprised you find time to breathe with all the things you have to do!
I think all girls feel that way at least a little. I hate when it is uncomfortable for no reason. Around certain people I feel paranoid too. (is my outfit okay, do these shoes match, did I just say that, was that funny...) It's too hard to think about. I love having girlfriends that accept your good qualities as well as your bad. Sounds like Jill's a keeper!
I like confidence and loyalty. Oh... and someone who LIKES to be happy.
You're not already regretting next Sunday, are you?
I'm glad you and Jill are such good friends. I miss having you at the baseball games. I looked forward to our little chats. I always felt like you got me and the whole mother of boys thing.
Sheri, it's so funny, I have thought about this alot lately. I think that the older we get, our time IS more precious. What I know for sure (yes, I'm stealing Oprah's line) is that true geniune friends are hard to find. So once you find them, you treat them with respect; love and protect them, and they will do the same for you...IF they are a true friend. I think that it's SO important to surround ourselves with people who lift us up, love us unconditionally, and make us want to be better. That is true friendship. That's all. ;)
I am very, very careful with whom I share my true feelings with. There are only a few select people that I will tell my disappointments, dreams, fears, blah blah blah. Most of them are my family members but there are a few friends too. I find that these are the friends that will truly listen to me. I have some friends that demand all the attention and that is fine with me. I can give it to them, but I rarely tell them everything. I also only tell people my true feelings if the time feels appropriate. I don't just call them up and throw it at them. It could be months or years before I will tell someone something
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